We Cannot "Cure" what is not a Sickness or Illness. We Cannot "Fix" what is not Broken.

I've been doing some research to try and gain a better perspective through my son's eyes. I've done so by reading comments and blog entries that were written by autistic people. They have so much to say and feel that no one will listen now that they are adults. What a shame. We (as in "normies" or "neuro-typicals") are dedicated to helping our children with autism. We are committed to helping autistic children communicate and blend in with the world. When we hear that someone is autistic, don't we feel sorrow? Don't we feel at least a little pity? But Autism doesn't have to be a negative thing. Just because someone is autistic doesn't mean that they are "broken" and need fixing, or are sick or ill and need to be "cured". Autistic people simply think differently than what is deemed "normal". They have their own perspective. It's a very unique and special perspective. Just as we seek to help autistic people communicate and function "normally", our approach should be different. We should not help them out of sorrow or pity. We should not help them out of guilt. We should not help them so that they are easier for us to deal with. But, we should step back and see what these amazing people can teach us. We should be joyous in our differences. We should be thankful that we have people who are "different" and can present a new perspective on life. We want so desperately to help these children be successful. But, then what? What when they are adults? What when they have learned to talk and communicate? We shut them out? We close the door? We make them feel isolated once again by ignoring what they have to say once we have helped them find their voice? We want to teach these children how to communicate, how to tell us what is on their mind. Then, once they can, we turn our backs?
I have to ask why we deem it so important to help autistic children. The are not sick. They do not need to be cured. They are not broken, nor do they need to be fixed. They are human beings. They have thoughts, feelings, dreams and struggles. They are not that much different than you or I. They learn differently. They perceive differently. That is all. And once they are given our help and made successful, we should rejoice with them. We should be happy that they over came such great obstacles in order to be an independent adult. And most of all, we should listen to what they have to say.
As a mother of an autistic child, I want what any parent wants for his or her child. I want to see my son grow and shape into the best person he can be. This is what any good parent wants for their child. It's not about what I hoped or dreamed Keegan would become or accomplish with his life. It's not about how ashamed or embarrassed I am about how he acts in public or behaves around peers. It's not about me. It's about this precious little boy who desperately wants to be heard. He wants love and attention, just like any child.
I am so saddened that autistic adults have been ignored. What insight they have! They have so much to offer in behavior techniques and other intervention tactics. They are a big piece to solving the puzzle and mystery about autism. They are the product of hard work; not just ours, but their own. Why on earth would we want them to remain silence? I will listen. I will read what they have to say. I will cry when it touches my heart. I will read with an open mind and an open heart because I want to understand. It's not about me or how what they have to say makes me feel. If what they have to say makes me feel badly, so be it. They have insight and a perspective that is new to me. I'm sure I've acted or did something wrong when I lacked understanding. We all are guilty of that at some point or another in our lives. What makes the difference is how we respond to our wrong doings, or wrong thinking. We can either decide to embrace the new information and adjust our life and thinking accordingly. Or, we can be bitter and resentful and play the blame game. I chose the first option because it's the only option that allows me to make positive progress. I am no help to my son when I am busy being angry, hurt and resentful. When I think about how much I have to teach my son; how far behind he is from his peers, I am reminded. I realize how far behind I am, and how much I have to learn. It's all a matter of the way we think. I choose to think differently. I choose to understand autism and those who excel with it.

Black and White Thinking

One of the biggest daily battles my husband and I have with our autistic son is the fact that he's a black and white thinker. We have to constantly readjust what we say and what we do and make sure that it's something that can stay consistent so that we don't confuse our son. One struggle recently has been the changing weather. Last week it was very rainy and windy most of the week. My son loves to go outside and play on our patio, and he will stay out there most of the day if we let him. It's covered and has solid walls surrounding it. So, it's safe place for him to play, even if he insists on playing out there in the middle of a rain storm. He was home sick last week and decided to dress himself with yesterday's attire: a short sleeved shirt and shorts. He then wanted to go outside and play on the patio. He resisted my telling him he must change into warmer clothing if he wanted to go outside and play. I told him it was too cold outside to wear shorts and a shirt. Pants and a coat are needed to be worn when it's so cold outside. Each time I'd explain, he'd respond with getting upset and fussing. I held firm and finally he caved. He put on some warm pants and a coat. However, today the weather is gorgeous and it's too hot to wear a coat outside. However, my son insists on wearing his winter coat out on the patio because now he thinks that's a set standard of what he should wear if he's out there.

One morning it was very chilly. It was almost cold enough for there to be frost on the ground, but not quite. I could see my breath when I exhaled and the grass and ground were damp outside, but no frost. I had my son put on his winter coat before I walked him to the bus stop. However, when he returned from school in the afternoon, I found that even though the weather had warmed up significantly (just over 100 degrees Fahrenheit) he still had his winter coat on. The bus driver felt bad and tried to explain that he would not take it off. I understood of course, and put her mind at ease. However, once Keegan got off the bus, it took me 15 minutes of sitting out on the sidewalk, convincing him that we could not start walking until he took his coat off. I kept telling him it's too hot to wear a coat outside and that it needed to come off and be put into his backpack. He was convinced that since he walked TO the bus with his coat on, that he should walk FROM the bus with his coat on. We had about 1/4 mile to walk back to our apartment, and it was not feasible for him to wear his coat in that type of heat. I had to stand firm, and he finally caved. I am convinced that I will need to write some social stories for him to explain weather changes and the different types of clothing that is needed for each circumstance. I hope they work. I found out about social stories for the first time last week. They are such a great idea! I am eager to give them a try and see if they work. My current struggle is the fact that I do not draw very well at all. LOL So these stories will have very basic pictures, but hopefully they will get the message across. (= Thanks for reading.
Take care and God bless~

The Mikey Show - Jake's Story