I've been doing some research to try and gain a better perspective through my son's eyes. I've done so by reading comments and blog entries that were written by autistic people. They have so much to say and feel that no one will listen now that they are adults. What a shame. We (as in "normies" or "neuro-typicals") are dedicated to helping our children with autism. We are committed to helping autistic children communicate and blend in with the world. When we hear that someone is autistic, don't we feel sorrow? Don't we feel at least a little pity? But Autism doesn't have to be a negative thing. Just because someone is autistic doesn't mean that they are "broken" and need fixing, or are sick or ill and need to be "cured". Autistic people simply think differently than what is deemed "normal". They have their own perspective. It's a very unique and special perspective. Just as we seek to help autistic people communicate and function "normally", our approach should be different. We should not help them out of sorrow or pity. We should not help them out of guilt. We should not help them so that they are easier for us to deal with. But, we should step back and see what these amazing people can teach us. We should be joyous in our differences. We should be thankful that we have people who are "different" and can present a new perspective on life. We want so desperately to help these children be successful. But, then what? What when they are adults? What when they have learned to talk and communicate? We shut them out? We close the door? We make them feel isolated once again by ignoring what they have to say once we have helped them find their voice? We want to teach these children how to communicate, how to tell us what is on their mind. Then, once they can, we turn our backs?
I have to ask why we deem it so important to help autistic children. The are not sick. They do not need to be cured. They are not broken, nor do they need to be fixed. They are human beings. They have thoughts, feelings, dreams and struggles. They are not that much different than you or I. They learn differently. They perceive differently. That is all. And once they are given our help and made successful, we should rejoice with them. We should be happy that they over came such great obstacles in order to be an independent adult. And most of all, we should listen to what they have to say.
As a mother of an autistic child, I want what any parent wants for his or her child. I want to see my son grow and shape into the best person he can be. This is what any good parent wants for their child. It's not about what I hoped or dreamed Keegan would become or accomplish with his life. It's not about how ashamed or embarrassed I am about how he acts in public or behaves around peers. It's not about me. It's about this precious little boy who desperately wants to be heard. He wants love and attention, just like any child.
I am so saddened that autistic adults have been ignored. What insight they have! They have so much to offer in behavior techniques and other intervention tactics. They are a big piece to solving the puzzle and mystery about autism. They are the product of hard work; not just ours, but their own. Why on earth would we want them to remain silence? I will listen. I will read what they have to say. I will cry when it touches my heart. I will read with an open mind and an open heart because I want to understand. It's not about me or how what they have to say makes me feel. If what they have to say makes me feel badly, so be it. They have insight and a perspective that is new to me. I'm sure I've acted or did something wrong when I lacked understanding. We all are guilty of that at some point or another in our lives. What makes the difference is how we respond to our wrong doings, or wrong thinking. We can either decide to embrace the new information and adjust our life and thinking accordingly. Or, we can be bitter and resentful and play the blame game. I chose the first option because it's the only option that allows me to make positive progress. I am no help to my son when I am busy being angry, hurt and resentful. When I think about how much I have to teach my son; how far behind he is from his peers, I am reminded. I realize how far behind I am, and how much I have to learn. It's all a matter of the way we think. I choose to think differently. I choose to understand autism and those who excel with it.
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